pregnancy weight loss immediately after delivery | 7 Ways Im Staying Sane During a Pregnancy After Loss

pregnancy weight loss immediately after delivery

You know how I wrote this post about how Im feeling a million times better? Well, apparently that was just a momentary lull, because the depression and anxiety are back and just as bad as before. So, theres that. But, Im surviving and Im working really hard to take care of myself, address these issues head on, and cope with them in healthy ways. Here are a few things Im doing to that end:

1. Shopping. Ok, the title on this one makes it sound like Im heading out every day for some retail therapy with credit card in hand and thats totally inaccurate. True to my cheap thrifty self, Im scouring Craigs List and garage sales and consignment sales and reading all the baby deal blogs to get the best prices on the baby items. And since we got rid of most of our baby stuff, I do have a substantial number of things that I need to get, though Im going to be much more minimalistic about baby this time. I know its still early and we have plenty of time to get what we need but shopping early 1) gives me plenty of time to find the things we need at a great price and, more importantly, 2) gives me something to do for my baby.

Ive had a very, very hard time connecting to the baby this time. Partly, Im sure, as a defense mechanism in case we lose this baby too. (The chances for a living baby at this point are great, but there is still that doubt, you know?) Part of it though is because Im still grieving the babies we lost and its very hard to celebrate this baby at the same time, especially since this baby only exists because they died. Im really hoping this will get better since we finally passed our last due date. In the meantime, while I cant seem to emotionally connect with baby, Im doing what I can do for the baby.

2. Laundry. Ive been washing baby clothes, blankets, and accessories and putting them in drawers. Ive also been cleaning out and rearranging Lucias closet so there is room for neatly folded newborn items. With about three months to go, its really early have drawers already filled with clean, folded baby clothes but again, I need to feel like Im doing something for baby. I also think its helpful for me to be surrounded by visible changes that a baby is coming - drawers filled with tiny onesies and cloth diapers, the crib set up, etc. Despite being visibly pregnant now and constantly feeling the baby kick, its still very hard for me to visualize having a baby in a few short months. It just doesnt seem possible that well have a living child and be able to bring him/her home. So making the house look like there will be a baby here soon makes it seem a little more conceivable.

3. Staying busy. This is so, so important for me. When my body is busy moving, my mind doesnt have too much time to wander. And thankfully, there is a TON to do, so its not hard to find ways to keep busy. Im still working on getting settled into my parents house, organizing and decorating our rooms so we feel at home, and doing other projects around the house to make it more comfortable. With three full time working adults in the home, Ive been taking over most of the day to day housekeeping, which really does pile up with that many adults - there is especially an absurd amount of dishes to do every day. Lucia and I have also been taking walks every day to play at the playground at the school in the neighborhood and weve started going to story time at the library and finding other free summer activities to do. If I collapse into bed exhausted at night, I fall asleep quicker and dont have time to dwell on irrational fears. Plus, the feeling of accomplishment when I see everything thats been done has been wonderful for my self-esteem.

4. Taking care of myself. Eating healthy, exercising, chiropractic care, taking baths, resting when Im tired, etc. When I take a little time to care for myself and physically feel well, I feel a lot better mentally as well.  This pregnancy has been more more physically trying than my first and, while its all within the range of "normal" pregnancy symptoms, the increased tiredness and aches and pains do increase my worries.

My pregnancy with Lucia was textbook perfect and, other than morning sickness in the first trimester and heartburn in the third, I felt amazing the whole time. Feeling physically well certainly helped to assure me that my body was made for this and that trust that my body knew what it was doing made for a very worry-free nine months. After four miscarriages, my belief that my body knows what its doing and can adequately protect and nourish my child in the womb is pretty well gone. Add to that the increased symptoms, discomfort, and outright pain of this pregnancy, and the thought that maybe my bodys too broken to bring any more child to term emerges. So, when I take the time to adequately address my symptoms and I start feeling better, I also start feeling a lot more confident and the ( very irrational but ever-present) fears of preterm labor are pushed a little further back in my bind.

5. Researching. Reading about miscarriage, pregnancy after loss, depression during pregnancy, my chances for having a healthy full-term pregnancy, survival rate if my baby was born right now, etc.  have been really helpful to me. I know this isnt the case for everyone, but for me, being knowledgeable and feeling informed about the situations I find myself in is empowering. Its probably not at all obvious by the content of this blog since I tend to write about feelings and emotions and then some more feelings, but Im actual much more of a logical than an emotional person. Facts appeal to me, even if they arent exactly comforting. Knowing what Im facing takes much of the mystery out of the battle, so reading articles and books chock full of research findings has a calming effect on me.

6. Reading. Im not just reading research articles, but also just reading for fun. Books are my favorite escape and sometimes I just need that down time.  A few of my recent favorites include this modern classic, this farming memoir (a surprising page turner!), and Im currently enjoying this quirky romance.

7. Relying on the prayers of others. Id love to say one of the ways Im coping is through prayer, but Ive found it to be super difficult to pray during this pregnancy. I force myself to pray anyway but there just isnt a lot of comfort there. I dont feel like my relationship with God has changed much through my experiences with miscarriage - I dont blame Him, I am not angry with Him, but at the same time, I dont think Im closer to Him or rely on him more - but Ive really struggled with my understanding of prayer.

I have a hard time understanding why we pray for specific petitions. (Surely God knows what we need better than we anyway so why bother asking for what we want with our very limited knowledge and eternal understanding?). After praying four times that our baby would live and then then having them die anyway, I dont really understand why this would be any different - why would God answer this prayer now but not the last four times? I know that the death of our children werent Gods doing, but simple biology - something was wrong with my body - so it seems like this baby will live or die based on biology too. Certainly God can change an outcome, but I believe He rarely intervenes in the natural world (thats why when he does, it is called a miracle, something very out of the ordinary). Why would He suddenly intervene for me in this matter? (Not looking for answers here, just sharing some of my thought process.)

Prayer has been a struggle for me and not much of a comfort. But I take a lot of comfort from the prayers of others. I do believe that prayer is powerful even if I do not currently understand how or why and while my belief in prayer is a bit shaky, I am leaning on the strong belief of others around me that their prayers for me, my baby, and my family are reaching the ears of a loving Father. When my own prayers seem weak and ineffective, Im letting the prayers of others lift me up.

Linking up to Kelly for 7 Quick Takes, even though most werent really quick.

Image source: Bies, Flickr

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baby losing weight weaning | Traditions Tree Decorating 2014

baby losing weight weaning

Saturday afternoon and evening were spent decorating our Christmas trees. First came our real tree with the Gingerbread Cookie Ornaments and white sparkle lights. Jack was pumped about this experience. Though he was disappointed that we didnt have a star for the top (we do now).

I turned on the Christmas music and we added our cookie ornaments to the tree. We strategically moved Jack around the tree since he was inclined to hang everything in clumps together.

Im not sure what he liked more: hanging the ornaments or eating the cookies (Ill get to that later).

After our tree was decorated, we took a break before heading out to the local seafood market to grab dinner. A sampler platter for me and Daniel and salmon for Jack hit the spot.

After we had our fill of seafood, we headed home to decorate tree #2.

Our little fake tree was purchased in 2002 when we were first married. The tree skirt was actually used in our wedding. I think the tree cost us $10 at Big Lots and it has great sentimental value for us. 

For a brief moment last week, we couldnt find the tree and we were both a little sad to think that it might have gotten lost in our last move. Thankfully Daniel found it.

The ornaments on this tree are really special to us.

They include old ornaments from our childhoods, gifted ornaments from our wedding, and ornaments we have collected on every trip we have taken over the last 12 years. 

They also include ornaments that belong to Jack. A whole smorgasbord of memories can be found on our little fake tree.

One other tradition we typically do when we decorate our tree is to drink my special decadent hot chocolate, while watching a Christmas movie. This year we let Jack watch a Curious George: A Very Monkey Christmas and while drinking the special hot chocolate (for him I blended it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and skipped the kahlua!).

Now back to the cookies... while I finished making the hot chocolate that Daniel and I were going to drink, Jack came up to me and said that his mouth was yucky. He had dark brown stuff in his teeth that wouldnt wipe off and I couldnt figure out what was in his mouth.

After consulting with Daniel, we realized he had asked Daniel to eat a cookie and Daniel said yes. Unfortunately the "cookie" in question was a cinnamon applesauce cookie ornament that was 3 years old...

I hurried Jack upstairs to the bathroom to brush the remnants out of his teeth and off his tongue. He seemed fine so I had him drink a bunch of water. Thankfully he didnt have an adverse reaction to eating the ornament.

While I took care of brushing Jacks teeth out, the rest of the hot chocolate for me and Daniel burned. So much for enjoying it with our tree decorating! The whole decorating mood was killed a bit after that, but Jack still enjoyed hanging all of the ornaments.

Sometimes things go how you want them to, sometimes they dont. Such is life. But we will probably always remember how Jack ate a cookie that wasnt a cookie!

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reasons for weight loss during pregnancy | Heart Thoughts on Motherhood

reasons for weight loss during pregnancy

Its hitting me. The reality that this new, small soul is mine. Around 5 am, as Cedar finished up his early morning and very sleepy feeding, I couldnt put him down. My body longed for those extra 2 hours of sleep that I knew it would get if I laid him back in his co-sleeper. But, my eyes couldnt leave his face and my arms wouldnt let go. I sat there for almost an hour, staring at him and his dreaming smiles. I put my face to his cheek, as his tiny breaths kissed my cheek thinking, "is this love even for real?"

Now, when I nurse Cedar, hell stop for a moment, look at me and smile. I cant help but soak up these moments. Every morning, without fail, his expressions are full of wonder. Its as if he realizes how long he has been asleep and he cant wait to have open eyes again, discovering exciting things like the ceiling fan and his brother zooming toys in front of his face. haha. He wants to stand up constantly, bobbing his head around trying to look ever which way. Ah! Ive probably kissed him over a thousand times since hes been born, I cant help it. Ive stood in front of my old, gold mirror, countless times as Ive held him,  just so I could stare at his dreamy face, all smooshed up against my chest. These are days that Ive been dreaming of for years. Sometimes, I have to stand back and acknowledge the moment before is passes by.

Samuel said this to me after we got engaged, "Lets promise each other that no matter what, we wont lose the wonder that we have for each other." That has been a pillar in my heart and its taken weight into my momma heart as well. In the moments, when one child is whining and the other crying, where a shower is my only form of alone time and a greek yogurt in a nursing bra and yoga pants is my only real meal of the day...not to lose the wonder of my boys and wonder of being their safe place.

In weeks like this, when Ive had bright days and cloudy ones, my heart is gripped with this truth, motherhood is a sacred and beautiful gift. Its a messy one, a painful one, its tiring and beyond beautiful...it breaks your heart and then heals it. It has made me more alive to love and the beauty of vulnerability. Im saying that in the "infant" stages, if you will, of my journey as a momma, knowing that Ive barely skimmed the surface of what being a mom truly means. There are millions of moments that my heart has yet to experience, laughs it hasnt seen, tears it hasnt cried and wisdom its waiting to learn.

I love being a momma.

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intentional weight loss during pregnancy | Pregnancy Journeys After Loss

intentional weight loss during pregnancy

Hi!
Just starting this whole blog thing, not sure how good Ill be at it. I lost my son Solomon to pprom resulting in his stillbirth on March 8, 2000. I had a myriad of physical and mental healing to do. The physical was easier. We got pregnancy again 4 months later and we lost that to blighted ovum. Two month after that, pregnancy #3. I held my breath, pretended to be happy and endured mental hell for 9 months until Alison was born at 38 weeks. A big beautiful 8 pounds 2 ounce bundle. Oops, 11 months later we are pregnant again. Adam was born 19-1/2 months after Alison. A physically wonderful pregnancy until *boom* preterm labor and 11 weeks of terbutaline and bedrest. Two cerclages, two c-sections.

Now I speak at pregnancy loss groups, pregnancy after loss groups, have been involved in program planning for the First Candle/SIDS Alliance and International Stillbirth Alliance conference in DC in September 2005. And I wrote and edited a book, "Journeys: Stories of Pregnancy After Loss." A compilation by 11 authors of loss stories coupled with pregnancy after loss stories. Hopefully it will be a comfort to those finding themselves *SPALS*

Warmly,
Amy
www.PregnancyJourneysAfterLoss.com
"The birth of a child isnt always a nine-month process.

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hypothyroidism pregnancy weight loss | Trigger Warnings

hypothyroidism pregnancy weight loss

A sweet friend of mine (Kendra of Catholic All Year) recently warned me that the new Sherlock Holmes movie, Mr. Holmes, features a prominent miscarriage story line that may be difficult for some to watch. She also said the movie, which stars Ian McKellen as an old Holmes, was really well-done. Ill probably watch it (eventually, when it comes out on video - getting to the movie theatre is a rare occurrence for me) but I cannot explain how much that warning means to me. I dont outright avoid movies, books, or other media that contain elements of pregnancy loss (in many ways, I often find the inclusion of them to be very validating), but I do like the ability to prepare myself beforehand. Its the element of surprise that makes those scenes so difficult to handle.

Perhaps youve heard the term "trigger warning" before. Thats exactly what Im talking about - a warning of the presence of a certain topic that may trigger a strong emotional reaction. My triggers are pregnancy and infant loss and, to some extent, infertility. Perhaps those are your triggers too, or maybe they are cancer, or sexual abuse, or domestic abuse, or divorce, or death of a parent, or any great number of things.

Knowing and understanding your triggers is important. It does not make you weak to know what you should avoid, or what you should only confront after preparation and in certain cultivated circumstances. You are honoring yourself when you acknowledge and adequately address (even completely avoid) the topics that have the ability to distress you.

Last summer, I was in a very vulnerable state. Id gone through my second miscarriage in February and we were actively trying to conceive again, with nothing to show for our efforts but negative pregnancy tests and tears. And it seemed that EVERY. SINGLE. book, movie, or TV show I watched quite unexpectedly included pregnancy or infant loss in the plot line. It got to the point where I started writing them down because it was just absurd how many their were: (Amazon affiliate links below)

The Help, Downton Abbey, Gran Hotel

The Duchess, Annes House of Dreams, The Tudors, Whered You Go Bernadette

This was within a month, folks. A month! Three books, three TV shows, and a movie. None of which I had any clue would have any baby loss story line, but it was in each and every one. Some had not much more than a short scene or brief background story, but it was there all the same, startling me to my core. And the thing is, each of these was pretty great, Id recommend anyone watch/read them (well, except maybe the Tudors - the sex scenes in that one were a little too much for me so I only made it a few episodes in). Im sure I would have watched or read them anyway even if I had known they contained loss BUT I wouldnt have watched them that summer. Or one right after another. Or without a bit of forethought and preparation. Or with people other than my husband. I would have cushioned them between light, bright little comedies and feel-good stories.

Im not quite sure how to avoid something like this in the future. Do I go on Wikipedia and read the detailed plot before I watch any movie or read any book? I frequently do this for movies and books anyway and dont really mind the spoilers BUT there is no guarantee if its a more minor element that it will even be included in the plot summary. I dont think Ill quite go to those lengths, but I do appreciate a heads-up from my friends and I do keep my ears open for any potential "trigger warnings".

I asked on my Facebook page about any other movies, books, or television shows that have pregnancy or infant loss and for you, dear readers, here are some other trigger warnings:

(many episodes of) Call the Midwife, House M.D. and Law & Order SVU
Up
Graceland
Labor Day
What to Expect When Youre Expecting

Feel free to leave any youve encountered in the comments as a trigger warning to others.

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baby jaundice weight lose | Naming a Miscarried Baby

baby jaundice weight lose

Its a fairly common practice for parents to name the children theyve lost to miscarriage. Its certainly a matter of personal preference (please do not feel that you arent properly honoring your child or grieving appropriately if you decide not to name your child) but for many parents, it helps them connect with and find closure after the loss of their child. In many families, especially the Catholic families Im familiar with, miscarried children are talked about often, prayed for (and to, since we have reason to believe that they are in heaven and therefore can watch out and pray for us), and its easier to do these things if the children have names. I previously wrote about how we chose a name for our daughter and for the first two children we lost and Ive decided to share an update of that post with the names of the last two children I miscarried.

Ive always been a bit of a name junky (Im currently addicted to the Catholic naming blog Sancta Nomina) so the process of choosing our childrens names is one that is done with a lot of thought, prayer, and love. It meant so much to me that even though we lost four of our children so very young and will never get to experience the typical parenting moments with them as we will with our living child, I was still able to give them their names. It is one of the only ways that Ive been able to truly mother those babies.

Lucia Rose, born December 2011

Since we didnt find out whether Lucia was a boy or girl, we had to have two names at the ready.  The boys name was picked out before we were even pregnant (and in some ways before I even met my husband).  The girls name was much harder to nail down since it seemed David and I had opposite taste in names.  (We have since resolved our differences and have 3-4 girls names already picked out, in order, for future daughters.) My main choice for name inspiration was a book of women Saints that I owned.  I would thumb through the pages looking for names that I liked and only read the corresponding story if I felt the name was "in the running".  There were several names that were clearly not going to happen, like Hedwig and Hildegarde, but anything I half liked I ran by David and 99% he turned down on the spot.  Very early on, two front runners emerged: Alena and Lucia.  Alena was actually the favorite for quite some time and I cant remember why we decided on Lucia instead, but we did so somewhere between 20 and 30 weeks.  Lucias name is equally in honor of St. Lucy and Sr. Lucia of Fatima as my husband has a great devotion to Our Lady of Fatima.  Her middle name, Rose, was decided from the very beginning.  It is my middle name and a dear aunts middle name in honor of my great grandmother, Rosa. 

Francis Michael, miscarried October 2013

After my miscarriage in October 2013, several people urged us to name the baby.  It took a week or so before we felt comfortable with doing so.  Naming a miscarried child seemed so different than naming a living one.  We had names picked out for our next child before this one was even conceived, but it didnt feel right to use either one of them.  I know many parents feel comfortable giving the child a gender specific name based on their gut instincts, but I didnt have any feelings about the babys gender and was wrong with my gut instinct that Lucia was a boy, so we decided to choose a gender neutral name.  Searching "gender neutral Saint names" doesnt come up with many results, but I immediately found one that I loved: Francis.  Although more commonly associated with boys, Frances is a common enough girls name and St. Frances Cabrini is one of my favorite Saints.  The biggest decision we had to make was which spelling to use.  While researching the name, I found a source that said that until the last few centuries, both spellings were used interchangeably for boys and girls, so we simply went with the one that was most aesthetically appealing to me.  We chose the middle name Michael after the Archangel.  When I think of this baby, I think of the baby being either "my Frank or Frannie" and joyfully look forward to the day when I find out which nickname fits.

Julian Gabriel, miscarried February 2014

This may sound a bit strange, but I already chosen a name for our second miscarried child before I was even pregnant with him/her.  It was a gender neutral name that would only be used for another lost baby.  Not that I necessarily expected to miscarry again (and I truly did not think I would miscarry twice in a row) but it was a name that I came across when I was looking for a name for Francis and tucked away as another favorite.  It feels a bit odd to give a child a specific name because he/she passed before birth while we would have given that same child a different name had he/she been born.  But at the same time, we feel blessed to be able to do the only thing we can do to parent this child other than conception: name him/her.  We chose the name Julian Gabriel.  Julian, while usually considered masculine, is the name of many Catholic Saints, and the female Julian of Norwich (who though not canonized is often revered as a Saint).  Gabriel, like the middle name we chose for Francis, is in honor of the Archangel.

Adrienne Rafael, miscarried October 2014
Like with Julian, I also had some ideas in mind of names to use if I miscarried again before I even knew this little one existed. I suppose after two miscarriages and one live birth, it starts to feel like a loss is more likely (statistically, its not). Our third miscarriage was a very early "chemical pregnancy" so we werent sure I was even pregnant until I no longer was. We debated a little bit about whether we would name the baby or whether we would even count it as a pregnancy/loss but ultimately decided that our belief that life starts at conception meant we wouldnt treat this child any different than we did the babies we lost later on. I started to feel like we were running out of blatantly Catholic, gender neutral names, but I had a short list left and Adrian was on it. Since Francis and Julian are more masculine in appearance, we decided on the feminine spelling Adrienne. Again, Rafael is for the Archangel and we chose that spelling because I love the Spanish language and prefer the pronunciation (rah-fiy-EHL) that is similar to the Spanish.

Christian Michael, miscarried December 2014
After we lost our last baby, I had a hard time coming up with any name ideas. There are some more available that fit the Saint/biblical and gender neutral categories (see below) but I couldnt seem to find one that fit for our baby. I dont know why I initially thought of Christian, but once I did, it just seemed right. Although usually a boys name, I worked with a girl named Christian in college so it has a very gender neutral feel to me. We were short-sighted (or maybe it was just wishful thinking) when we decided to use the names of the Archangels as middle names for our miscarried babies since there are only three named Archangels. It didnt feel right to break with the tradition, so we decided to cycle back through and used Michael again.




A few of the ideas that we didnt use (yet) but might be helpful for couples searching for gender neutral Catholic names: 

Jean - in English, its a girls name; in French, its the male name John
Jordan - for the Jordan River
Valentine
Alex - for Alexander or Alexandra, or you could maybe even the full name Alexis - Im familiar with it as a girls name, but apparently its a boys name too
Hilary - for the male St. Hilary, though its more often a female name now
Karol/Carol - for St. John Paul II whose name was Karol Wojtyla
Aaron/Erin/Aeron
Andy - for Andrew or Andrea - or even the full Andrea since it is a boys name in other cultures, like singer Andrea Bocelli
Remy
Quinn - for Ven. Edel Quinn
Noel - means "Christmas" in French
Jude
Ariel - one of names for Jerusalem, probably most well known as The Little Mermaid, it can also be a boys name like Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon

For more ideas, see Kates post at Sancta Nomina. If none of these names work for you, (affiliate link) The Catholic Baby Name Book may be another helpful resource. If you have any other ideas, please leave them in the comments and Id be happy to add them to the list!

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baby losing weight when teething | Mainx24

baby losing weight when teething

Mainx24 is a 24-hour long festival celebrating Main Street and the surrounding Southside, held every December since 2007 in Chattanooga. 

Over the last month I had come across several advertisements for Mainx24 so when a schedule of events came across my Facebook Newsfeed, I was curious.

The very first event listed was a Pancake Breakfast at the Fire Station on Main Street. I was pretty sure my guys would love this and I am always down for pancakes.

Daniel had a really long work week last week... He was only home for dinner one night and unfortunately missed putting Jack to bed a couple of nights as well. I knew he needed a break to do nothing, but we also needed to spend some time together as a family.

The Pancake Breakfast lasted until 11am, so I let everyone sleep in as late as possible and then we made our way downtown by 10:30. Win win for everyone, right? 

The cost was $5 for pancakes per person and it supports the local fire station. Plus we got to check out the fire engines. Jack (and Daniel) were in heaven.

As we finished up our breakfast we realized that a parade was starting outside. We hurried out and were thankful that we all had rain jackets on since it was raining. 

I dont know what it is about marching bands in parades, but they make me feel weepy. I am not a weepy person and this is not just pregnancy hormones. Every parade I see I tear up at the marching band. 

My favorite part of the parade was the BookMobile that came last. They gave a book to every child at the parade. We received a hardback copy of "A Star So Bright, A Christmas Tale" and Jack loves it.

The parade was fun and we saw some creative floats. Plus we got lots of candy to restock our candy supply at home.

After the parade, we wandered back into the fire station to check out the engines.

The breakfast and parade were the only part of Mainx24 that we attended, but it was a perfect event to kick off our weekend as a family. I look forward to going back next year.

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