pregnancy weight loss immediately after delivery | 7 Ways Im Staying Sane During a Pregnancy After Loss

pregnancy weight loss immediately after delivery

You know how I wrote this post about how Im feeling a million times better? Well, apparently that was just a momentary lull, because the depression and anxiety are back and just as bad as before. So, theres that. But, Im surviving and Im working really hard to take care of myself, address these issues head on, and cope with them in healthy ways. Here are a few things Im doing to that end:

1. Shopping. Ok, the title on this one makes it sound like Im heading out every day for some retail therapy with credit card in hand and thats totally inaccurate. True to my cheap thrifty self, Im scouring Craigs List and garage sales and consignment sales and reading all the baby deal blogs to get the best prices on the baby items. And since we got rid of most of our baby stuff, I do have a substantial number of things that I need to get, though Im going to be much more minimalistic about baby this time. I know its still early and we have plenty of time to get what we need but shopping early 1) gives me plenty of time to find the things we need at a great price and, more importantly, 2) gives me something to do for my baby.

Ive had a very, very hard time connecting to the baby this time. Partly, Im sure, as a defense mechanism in case we lose this baby too. (The chances for a living baby at this point are great, but there is still that doubt, you know?) Part of it though is because Im still grieving the babies we lost and its very hard to celebrate this baby at the same time, especially since this baby only exists because they died. Im really hoping this will get better since we finally passed our last due date. In the meantime, while I cant seem to emotionally connect with baby, Im doing what I can do for the baby.

2. Laundry. Ive been washing baby clothes, blankets, and accessories and putting them in drawers. Ive also been cleaning out and rearranging Lucias closet so there is room for neatly folded newborn items. With about three months to go, its really early have drawers already filled with clean, folded baby clothes but again, I need to feel like Im doing something for baby. I also think its helpful for me to be surrounded by visible changes that a baby is coming - drawers filled with tiny onesies and cloth diapers, the crib set up, etc. Despite being visibly pregnant now and constantly feeling the baby kick, its still very hard for me to visualize having a baby in a few short months. It just doesnt seem possible that well have a living child and be able to bring him/her home. So making the house look like there will be a baby here soon makes it seem a little more conceivable.

3. Staying busy. This is so, so important for me. When my body is busy moving, my mind doesnt have too much time to wander. And thankfully, there is a TON to do, so its not hard to find ways to keep busy. Im still working on getting settled into my parents house, organizing and decorating our rooms so we feel at home, and doing other projects around the house to make it more comfortable. With three full time working adults in the home, Ive been taking over most of the day to day housekeeping, which really does pile up with that many adults - there is especially an absurd amount of dishes to do every day. Lucia and I have also been taking walks every day to play at the playground at the school in the neighborhood and weve started going to story time at the library and finding other free summer activities to do. If I collapse into bed exhausted at night, I fall asleep quicker and dont have time to dwell on irrational fears. Plus, the feeling of accomplishment when I see everything thats been done has been wonderful for my self-esteem.

4. Taking care of myself. Eating healthy, exercising, chiropractic care, taking baths, resting when Im tired, etc. When I take a little time to care for myself and physically feel well, I feel a lot better mentally as well.  This pregnancy has been more more physically trying than my first and, while its all within the range of "normal" pregnancy symptoms, the increased tiredness and aches and pains do increase my worries.

My pregnancy with Lucia was textbook perfect and, other than morning sickness in the first trimester and heartburn in the third, I felt amazing the whole time. Feeling physically well certainly helped to assure me that my body was made for this and that trust that my body knew what it was doing made for a very worry-free nine months. After four miscarriages, my belief that my body knows what its doing and can adequately protect and nourish my child in the womb is pretty well gone. Add to that the increased symptoms, discomfort, and outright pain of this pregnancy, and the thought that maybe my bodys too broken to bring any more child to term emerges. So, when I take the time to adequately address my symptoms and I start feeling better, I also start feeling a lot more confident and the ( very irrational but ever-present) fears of preterm labor are pushed a little further back in my bind.

5. Researching. Reading about miscarriage, pregnancy after loss, depression during pregnancy, my chances for having a healthy full-term pregnancy, survival rate if my baby was born right now, etc.  have been really helpful to me. I know this isnt the case for everyone, but for me, being knowledgeable and feeling informed about the situations I find myself in is empowering. Its probably not at all obvious by the content of this blog since I tend to write about feelings and emotions and then some more feelings, but Im actual much more of a logical than an emotional person. Facts appeal to me, even if they arent exactly comforting. Knowing what Im facing takes much of the mystery out of the battle, so reading articles and books chock full of research findings has a calming effect on me.

6. Reading. Im not just reading research articles, but also just reading for fun. Books are my favorite escape and sometimes I just need that down time.  A few of my recent favorites include this modern classic, this farming memoir (a surprising page turner!), and Im currently enjoying this quirky romance.

7. Relying on the prayers of others. Id love to say one of the ways Im coping is through prayer, but Ive found it to be super difficult to pray during this pregnancy. I force myself to pray anyway but there just isnt a lot of comfort there. I dont feel like my relationship with God has changed much through my experiences with miscarriage - I dont blame Him, I am not angry with Him, but at the same time, I dont think Im closer to Him or rely on him more - but Ive really struggled with my understanding of prayer.

I have a hard time understanding why we pray for specific petitions. (Surely God knows what we need better than we anyway so why bother asking for what we want with our very limited knowledge and eternal understanding?). After praying four times that our baby would live and then then having them die anyway, I dont really understand why this would be any different - why would God answer this prayer now but not the last four times? I know that the death of our children werent Gods doing, but simple biology - something was wrong with my body - so it seems like this baby will live or die based on biology too. Certainly God can change an outcome, but I believe He rarely intervenes in the natural world (thats why when he does, it is called a miracle, something very out of the ordinary). Why would He suddenly intervene for me in this matter? (Not looking for answers here, just sharing some of my thought process.)

Prayer has been a struggle for me and not much of a comfort. But I take a lot of comfort from the prayers of others. I do believe that prayer is powerful even if I do not currently understand how or why and while my belief in prayer is a bit shaky, I am leaning on the strong belief of others around me that their prayers for me, my baby, and my family are reaching the ears of a loving Father. When my own prayers seem weak and ineffective, Im letting the prayers of others lift me up.

Linking up to Kelly for 7 Quick Takes, even though most werent really quick.

Image source: Bies, Flickr

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pregnancy weight loss in second trimester | NFP Has No Place in Paradise

pregnancy weight loss in second trimester

Its Natural Family Planning Awareness Week and I didnt really think Id have much to add to the conversation. The Catholic blogging world is already saturated with posts about NFP this week and Ive read many, many wonderful posts on every angle of the topic in the past. My experiences are unique (arent ours all?) but not necessarily anything completely new or different. But to do my part, I wrote this post on Facebook yesterday to share my perspective and as I was writing it, for the first in my life it occurred to me exactly why NFP is so difficult - because it was never part of Gods original plan.

You see, in the perfect world God intended - the world without sin or suffering - NFP doesnt have a place. The situations that make postponing a pregnancy necessary - physical and mental health issues, financial concerns, marital problems, lack of support system, etc. - they wouldnt exist. And fertility problems that require couples use NFP to become pregnant, they wouldnt exist either. There simply would be no need for Natural Family Planning. Its not the default for human beings as God designed us. But its there because we live in a flawed world; not the natural order of things but a gift given to us by God to help us cope with our imperfect situations in an imperfect existence.

Many people need NFP for one reason or another, and I am incredibly grateful that it exists for those situations. For most of our marriage, weve used NFP. When we got pregnant with Lucia in 2011, my husband and I had hoped wed never use NFP again. We looked forward to the idea of our family planned completely on Gods timing, of never looking at a chart again, of being genuinely surprised (but not too surprised) by a new pregnancy. But then we went through a period of unemployment. Followed by miscarriage after miscarriage. And then my current bout of prenatal depression and anxiety (yes, its back). And it seems that for the rest of our childbearing years well always have one reason or another to use NFP to either avoid pregnancy or help us decrease chances of future miscarriage. Thats a tough pill to swallow.

Yes, the day to day practice of NFP can be difficult. But the emotional strain is even harder because it reminds us of the brokenness of our world (and my body). My chart is a symbol of how far we are from Eden. For all that people talk about how wonderful NFP is for marriage and communication and knowing your body and (fill in the blank), the truth is that if all were as it should be, we simply wouldnt need it.

NFP strikes me as similar to a cancer treatment, lets say chemotherapy. Of course, its not poisonous or painful like chemotherapy (NFP is green! And completely natural! No physical side effects!), but bear with me. The only reason chemotherapy exists is to combat cancer. Those who have cancer (and their loved ones) are grateful it gives them the opportunity to fight the cancer, but theyd rather they didnt need it in the first place. My family has had several extra years (and hopefully many more) with my 84 year old grandfather because of two rounds of chemotherapy. But the chemo itself took its toll on him and is a reminder of the brokenness of his body, the unnaturalness of the cancer that necessitated it in the first place. I wish there was no chemo because I wish there was no cancer. Actually, I suppose thats how we feel about most medication. Im grateful to God for well-trained doctors and medical researchers who allow us to combat the illnesses of the mind and body, but Im still sad and bitter that we even have illnesses we have to treat.

So too with NFP. Its not a good in and of itself, but the best response we have to the evil in our world. I wish we didnt need it. I wish we lived in a perfect world where the circumstances were always perfect for more children to be welcomed and everyone had normal, healthy, functioning fertility. Since there is a need for NFP, Im grateful its there. But even if I appreciate it, I dont have to like it. It’s ok if it doesn’t feel natural and beautiful and effortless, because it’s simply not how it was meant to be. 

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post pregnancy weight loss india | Fool me once

post pregnancy weight loss india

We all know how the saying goes: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I feel like there is a similar unspoken saying for miscarriage: "Miscarry once, what a shame! Miscarry twice, what bad luck! Miscarry three or more times, its all your fault!"

In my own experience and from what Ive heard from other women, it seems that at some magic number, others stop caring about your losses. The sympathy ends and is instead replaced by blame.

Well, youve miscarried X times before, you knew this might happen again.

Dont expect sympathy from me. If you didnt want to go through a miscarriage again, you shouldnt have gotten pregnant.

Maybe Gods trying to tell you something. 

I think, in part, some of this is due to misconceptions about miscarriage. A recent study found that a large majority of Americans believe myths about miscarriage, myths that often put the blame on the women who go through this instead of understanding the medical truths behind loss. Though there werent any questions asked about this, I suspect that most Americans would also overestimate the risks of  miscarriage in subsequent pregnancies. The truth is that even for women who have had four or more consecutive miscarriages, they have a 50-70% chance (depending on the study) of carrying the next pregnancy to term without medical intervention. For someone who has had medical treatment, the chances of having the next pregnancy result in a healthy, full term pregnancy is even higher. Unless you know you have one of a few specific conditions, doctors would advise you to keep trying.

But even if you know you have a high chance of miscarrying again and purposely conceive, a miscarriage is still not your fault. Its still the loss of a child and a tragedy. And a woman deserves just as much support and compassion at losing her fourth or her ninth or her fifteenth child as she does for her first. The value of human life does not decrease as the likelihood for loss increases.

Each of my six children is a unique human being. Unique genes, unique soul. Each one has his or her own preferences, personality, and appearance. I mourn the four we lost not as lost potentials, but as unique individuals. Though I bonded most with our second baby, the first child we lost, each child leaves her own hole in my heart that cannot be filled by anyone else. This baby we are currently expecting is a wonderful blessing but not a replacement for the children weve lost.

Were coming up on two due dates - one next week and one next month - and even being pregnant with another child, I still keenly feel the loss of those two babies that would have been born around this time. It still hurts to look down at my stomach and see a small 20 week bump instead of a 39 week monstrosity or a still-very-large-and-daunting 35 week one. I still cry often because I miss those little ones. The world didnt grieve them with me. In fact, many people think it would have been better off if they had never even been conceived. What did their short lives do but break my heart? And yet, Im so grateful that my husband and I had the courage to conceive them. I am so glad that they exist. With each one of my six children, I cooperated with God in His plan of creation and I have to believe that all of their souls, not just those of my living children, are needed, necessary.

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