baby jaundice weight lose | Naming a Miscarried Baby

baby jaundice weight lose

Its a fairly common practice for parents to name the children theyve lost to miscarriage. Its certainly a matter of personal preference (please do not feel that you arent properly honoring your child or grieving appropriately if you decide not to name your child) but for many parents, it helps them connect with and find closure after the loss of their child. In many families, especially the Catholic families Im familiar with, miscarried children are talked about often, prayed for (and to, since we have reason to believe that they are in heaven and therefore can watch out and pray for us), and its easier to do these things if the children have names. I previously wrote about how we chose a name for our daughter and for the first two children we lost and Ive decided to share an update of that post with the names of the last two children I miscarried.

Ive always been a bit of a name junky (Im currently addicted to the Catholic naming blog Sancta Nomina) so the process of choosing our childrens names is one that is done with a lot of thought, prayer, and love. It meant so much to me that even though we lost four of our children so very young and will never get to experience the typical parenting moments with them as we will with our living child, I was still able to give them their names. It is one of the only ways that Ive been able to truly mother those babies.

Lucia Rose, born December 2011

Since we didnt find out whether Lucia was a boy or girl, we had to have two names at the ready.  The boys name was picked out before we were even pregnant (and in some ways before I even met my husband).  The girls name was much harder to nail down since it seemed David and I had opposite taste in names.  (We have since resolved our differences and have 3-4 girls names already picked out, in order, for future daughters.) My main choice for name inspiration was a book of women Saints that I owned.  I would thumb through the pages looking for names that I liked and only read the corresponding story if I felt the name was "in the running".  There were several names that were clearly not going to happen, like Hedwig and Hildegarde, but anything I half liked I ran by David and 99% he turned down on the spot.  Very early on, two front runners emerged: Alena and Lucia.  Alena was actually the favorite for quite some time and I cant remember why we decided on Lucia instead, but we did so somewhere between 20 and 30 weeks.  Lucias name is equally in honor of St. Lucy and Sr. Lucia of Fatima as my husband has a great devotion to Our Lady of Fatima.  Her middle name, Rose, was decided from the very beginning.  It is my middle name and a dear aunts middle name in honor of my great grandmother, Rosa. 

Francis Michael, miscarried October 2013

After my miscarriage in October 2013, several people urged us to name the baby.  It took a week or so before we felt comfortable with doing so.  Naming a miscarried child seemed so different than naming a living one.  We had names picked out for our next child before this one was even conceived, but it didnt feel right to use either one of them.  I know many parents feel comfortable giving the child a gender specific name based on their gut instincts, but I didnt have any feelings about the babys gender and was wrong with my gut instinct that Lucia was a boy, so we decided to choose a gender neutral name.  Searching "gender neutral Saint names" doesnt come up with many results, but I immediately found one that I loved: Francis.  Although more commonly associated with boys, Frances is a common enough girls name and St. Frances Cabrini is one of my favorite Saints.  The biggest decision we had to make was which spelling to use.  While researching the name, I found a source that said that until the last few centuries, both spellings were used interchangeably for boys and girls, so we simply went with the one that was most aesthetically appealing to me.  We chose the middle name Michael after the Archangel.  When I think of this baby, I think of the baby being either "my Frank or Frannie" and joyfully look forward to the day when I find out which nickname fits.

Julian Gabriel, miscarried February 2014

This may sound a bit strange, but I already chosen a name for our second miscarried child before I was even pregnant with him/her.  It was a gender neutral name that would only be used for another lost baby.  Not that I necessarily expected to miscarry again (and I truly did not think I would miscarry twice in a row) but it was a name that I came across when I was looking for a name for Francis and tucked away as another favorite.  It feels a bit odd to give a child a specific name because he/she passed before birth while we would have given that same child a different name had he/she been born.  But at the same time, we feel blessed to be able to do the only thing we can do to parent this child other than conception: name him/her.  We chose the name Julian Gabriel.  Julian, while usually considered masculine, is the name of many Catholic Saints, and the female Julian of Norwich (who though not canonized is often revered as a Saint).  Gabriel, like the middle name we chose for Francis, is in honor of the Archangel.

Adrienne Rafael, miscarried October 2014
Like with Julian, I also had some ideas in mind of names to use if I miscarried again before I even knew this little one existed. I suppose after two miscarriages and one live birth, it starts to feel like a loss is more likely (statistically, its not). Our third miscarriage was a very early "chemical pregnancy" so we werent sure I was even pregnant until I no longer was. We debated a little bit about whether we would name the baby or whether we would even count it as a pregnancy/loss but ultimately decided that our belief that life starts at conception meant we wouldnt treat this child any different than we did the babies we lost later on. I started to feel like we were running out of blatantly Catholic, gender neutral names, but I had a short list left and Adrian was on it. Since Francis and Julian are more masculine in appearance, we decided on the feminine spelling Adrienne. Again, Rafael is for the Archangel and we chose that spelling because I love the Spanish language and prefer the pronunciation (rah-fiy-EHL) that is similar to the Spanish.

Christian Michael, miscarried December 2014
After we lost our last baby, I had a hard time coming up with any name ideas. There are some more available that fit the Saint/biblical and gender neutral categories (see below) but I couldnt seem to find one that fit for our baby. I dont know why I initially thought of Christian, but once I did, it just seemed right. Although usually a boys name, I worked with a girl named Christian in college so it has a very gender neutral feel to me. We were short-sighted (or maybe it was just wishful thinking) when we decided to use the names of the Archangels as middle names for our miscarried babies since there are only three named Archangels. It didnt feel right to break with the tradition, so we decided to cycle back through and used Michael again.




A few of the ideas that we didnt use (yet) but might be helpful for couples searching for gender neutral Catholic names: 

Jean - in English, its a girls name; in French, its the male name John
Jordan - for the Jordan River
Valentine
Alex - for Alexander or Alexandra, or you could maybe even the full name Alexis - Im familiar with it as a girls name, but apparently its a boys name too
Hilary - for the male St. Hilary, though its more often a female name now
Karol/Carol - for St. John Paul II whose name was Karol Wojtyla
Aaron/Erin/Aeron
Andy - for Andrew or Andrea - or even the full Andrea since it is a boys name in other cultures, like singer Andrea Bocelli
Remy
Quinn - for Ven. Edel Quinn
Noel - means "Christmas" in French
Jude
Ariel - one of names for Jerusalem, probably most well known as The Little Mermaid, it can also be a boys name like Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon

For more ideas, see Kates post at Sancta Nomina. If none of these names work for you, (affiliate link) The Catholic Baby Name Book may be another helpful resource. If you have any other ideas, please leave them in the comments and Id be happy to add them to the list!

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post pregnancy weight loss journey | Expectations

post pregnancy weight loss journey

After my post yesterday, there are a few things I want to clarify. Most importantly, I do not blame my family and friends for not supporting me in the way Ive needed during various points during and after my miscarriages and pregnancies. Im not angry or bitter and I dont expect anyone to know exactly the right things to say or do in each situation. Even when people say hurtful and thoughtless comments, Im not angry. At least, not at them. Sometimes I rage a little at our society which treats lives, especially unborn lives, as disposable and pregnancy loss as an issue to be handled quietly and quickly.

I didnt know many people who had miscarriages before I had mine. I married long before most of my friends (many who are still single) so it just didnt come up. But I know, without a doubt, that there is no way I would have said or done the right things after a loss. And I know that even now, regardless of all my personal experience, I probably rarely say or do the perfect thing after someone else experiences a loss. Each woman is going to approach pregnancy loss in a different way and going to have distinct needs so even if I know what support I needed and appreciated, that doesnt necessarily mean much for another woman.

I have wonderful family members and friends who have all tried to offer support in their own way. Sometimes they missed the mark, but I know that no one has ever meant to hurt me and I do believe that intentions matter. I can still feel the love behind a ill fated remark. At times, its been difficult to not receive the support Ive needed. Thinking back on the times I felt forgotten and alone leaves me sad. But there is no one to blame, least of all the people who love me and who have always tried to support me.

On those days I could have used a phone call and a How was your appointment? I didnt want or expect every person I knew to make that call or ask that question. I know that even those with the best intentions forget or get difficult news of their own or get caught up and cant find a moment to contact me. It wasnt that I wanted everyone to call, it was that I wanted anyone to call. So how could I be upset with any one person? How could I even expect that of any one person?

In the end, I know that I am blessed to have had the support I have had. Even if it hasnt always been exactly what Ive needed or wanted, I have had support. Many women have mentioned to me that theyve had no support at all. Now that is something to be angry about.

P.S. Ive been thinking so much about doctors appointments because I had one today. Everything is going well! We got to bring home a great picture of baby and weve made it out of the first trimester.

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weight loss ketones pregnancy | When Pregnancy Comes with a Price Tag

weight loss ketones pregnancy

In the Catholic blogging world, its quite common to see posts about how children really arent that expensive, dont really have that many needs, etc. These are said, of course, to promote the idea of being open to life and that adding another child isnt as difficult as our society makes it out to be. And to an extent, I agree. Barring unforeseen incidents like health complications, inability to breastfeed, etc. a baby needs very little in his/her first couple years. Most baby necessities can be gotten secondhand for a fraction of the original price and there really arent all that many necessities.

We gave away 99% of our baby stuff (and dont regret it at all) so Im currently in the process of thinking through what we truly need and what we can skip. I dont think well need much and I have a feeling with generous friends and family, we be handed down or gifted all the true necessities.

But its not the baby Im worried about paying for, its the pregnancy. Over the course of two years weve spent quite a bit to get to this point. Even though I labored at home with all my miscarriages, they still werent cheap. Neither were the tests, surgery, and treatments. Now that I have a viable pregnancy, Im taking hCG shots and progesterone which together cost over $500 per month. Weve already met our insurance out of pocket maximum for the year, but hCG isnt covered by my insurance and we still have to pay the copay for prescriptions.  Our insurance year ends May 31, and while were grateful to have insurance coverage through Davids teaching job through the end of July, our deductible starts over so during those two months, well be paying out of pocket anyway.

Were moving out of state in six weeks. David does not have a job lined up yet. (Though hes been applying for jobs for months so were still hopeful hell have one before the move.) Its seemingly a terrible time financially to have a baby. Ill admit that Ive felt quite a bit of shame about being pregnant during such a difficult financial time. After all, it was our choice to try to conceive, even though it seemed unlikely I would get pregnant so quickly or stay pregnant.

Most of all though, more than shame or fear, Im angry that what comes so easily to most women, what is supposed to come easily, came with a lot of pain and a hefty price tag for me. In some ways I feel like weve had to pay for a baby, that our child is more the result of doctors bills than love between spouses.

I know Im not alone in this. I know there are other women out there that have felt that theyve had to pay for what should come naturally, should come free. So while I do believe that, in general, babies arent an overwhelming financial burden, sometimes pregnancy is and being "open to life" can have a crippling cost.

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