extreme weight loss during pregnancy | October 10 Reunion Group

extreme weight loss during pregnancy

I attended a Reunion Group this week and saw Patty, Janine T, Bill and Diana and Rosemary and her husband. We were the reunion-ers. In the loss group were several couples, one couple in particular who were there for a repeat. Their second pregnancy ended in loss recently. I remmebered them immediately from the first time I spoke at their group. Talk about UNFAIRNESS.

I sat and listened to the loss group members relay their experiences, and went through my part with my usual shaking and nerous voice. It is still painful to talk about, even at 7+ years. I wonder what the next 7 will be like.

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weight loss during pregnancy mayo clinic | Every Last One

weight loss during pregnancy mayo clinic

I could not put down Anna Quindlens latest book, Every Last One. I was completely captivated. It took me a day to read it, starting with snatches of pages early in the morning before anyone was awake. I read on our car ride out to a friends engagement party. En route back I got to the climax and wanted to scream but my husband, children and dad, my fellow passengers, would not have taken my yelling well. I finished by forcing my eyes awake until after midnight. This morning I can still feel the book in me.

I found the most evocative passage on page 200 (the hardcover US edition): "It was not so much I wanted to die; it was just that I could not bear the incessant feeling of being alive." The line was the knockout punch that brought it all home for me.

There was an evening Eric came home from work to find me in the fetal position in our bedroom, gasping for air as I could not control my tears. The pain was ravaging the wound still so new. My understanding that people just didnt get it growing until I felt it would swallow me up. I told Eric I didnt want to die but the idea of living without the baby, for I did not know his name right then, was too much for me - I couldnt do it. I think it was one of the few times in our marriage Eric was actually afraid.

The next line in the book: "And then it occurred to me that I was already dead, that what was left behind was a carapace, like the shells of cicadas we found a few summers ago." This is what Eric knew way before me, that I was gone, the woman he had just wooed and wed and created life with was not there anymore and I know he wondered "where did my wife go?" and that was just the beginning.

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weight loss during pregnancy diet | The Day of Why

weight loss during pregnancy diet

It is now 8:51pm and I am waiting to exhale. This is always the worst day for me, every year. It is easier, Ill grant you that, than last year and last year was easier than the one before. But I can feel the stress of the day in my body, the tension upon awakening knowing this is "that day."

Solomon would be 9 today if he had lived. And if he had lived, I wonder how he would be. I get so emotional when I see special needs kids, and thank God every day for the normalness my children exhibit.

Today is the only day of the year I give myself permission to ask the whys? Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen to him? Why did this happen to us?

What did I do to deserve this? Technically, not a why question, but something wondered always in the recesses of my mind, my only answer being so I would know what real stress and heartache are, as opposed to the daily stresses and heartaches of every day life.

I just dont think thats a good enough answer.

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weight loss during pregnancy concerns | The Empire State Building

weight loss during pregnancy concerns

It almost escaped me that today is that day or it used to be what I considered that day. July 28, 2000 is the day I was supposed to give birth to my first beautiful child. But it was not to be how I planned.

I didnt even realize the date until I was in the checkout line at King Kullen this morning. And it would have escaped my psyche altogether if the cashier hadnt handed me back a coupon with an expiration date of yesterday, July 27, 2010. Thats when I realized today was that day. Or not.

For years this date held as much significance to me as any other, and those who know me know I keep a mental calendar and can usually recall dates to various events in life, mine and theirs.

July 28 used to stand out in my mind like the Empire State Building, towering over so many of the other dates. But now, ten years later, its supplanted by far more wonderful dates: Alisons and Adams birthdates are now the Empire State Buildings in my mental calendar. My joy at having them eclipses this date. I dont feel the grief of this day so strongly any more. I actually feel at peace, for today.

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