weight loss foods during pregnancy | A photo in heaven

weight loss foods during pregnancy

Its hard to know what is the "right" thing to do, especially where death is concerned. I arrived at the Funeral home Thursday July 5 with photos of my children and my grandmother. I guess I should say my living chidren. I did not know what to do regarding Solomon.

My grandmother was at my side through my ordeal losing Solomon, and would hold my hand for months to come whenever we were together. She never spoke of him, taking the lead from me.

I called my husband and asked him to bring a photo of Solomon for my grandmothers coffin. I did not have the photo displayed with the other photos of her great-grandchildren - it would have been too much for me to explain to those who came to comfort us. His picture was in an envelope with instructions to place it with my grandmother when the casket was sealed. And thats what happened.

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weight loss during first month pregnancy | This just SUCKS

weight loss during first month pregnancy

About 7:30 this morning my telephone rang. It was my mother. I knew the news could not be good, but I didnt think it would be as bad as it was. My grandmother had died this morning. I dropped the phone and fell silent.

When Eric finished talking to my mom, he held me as I shook and cried. "Why would my mother say such a mean thing?" I asked, not to him directly.

This was one of the days I was always dreading.

Goldie, my grandmother, was one of the lights of my life. To know her was to love her. Always with a smile and a positive attitude, she was very honest and forgiving, two traits I have always tried to have. She always turned away to other peoples flaws and saw the best side of them.

She loved unconditionally, no matter who, no matter what.

When I was losing Solomon, one of the things I wanted the most was her. And she obliged by sitting quietly in the corner of my hospital room. She said nothing, she just let me rant.

When I gave birth to Alison, she was there with my mother. Her first great-grandchild had been born, and a great-granddaughter no less. And when Adam was born, she was right there too. Reveling in the love we felt for the new "little man" in our family. We gave her the honor of Sandek at his bris.

Goldie was a golden light who never wanted anything more than to be surrounded by those she loved most in the world. My life is now darker and will remain so, regardless of the joys that lie ahead.

I miss you grandma.

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weight loss during pregnancy is it normal | Mothers Day then and now

weight loss during pregnancy is it normal

Another Mothers Day. Six years ago, after losing Solomon, my husband and I went on a trip to Atlantis in the Bahamas. I always considered that my consolation prize." Instead of attending the black-tie ball in a maternity gown, I was there stuffed into a size 2 number with a blubber belly from the pregnancy. I hated myself and almost everyone else. I didnt have too much fun on the trip, there was an emptiness inside of me that no amount of sunshine, pampering and food (really good food) could fill. I hadnt yet begun to think of myself as a childless mother, but I did define myself as a mother whose child had died. My husband gave me a gold little boy charm which Id had engraved Solomon 5/8/00. Friends looked at me oddly when I showed them. So many folks were clueless and I didnt have the words or energy to explain.

I had braids put in my hair ocean-side, sitting in the hot sun. It hurt a lot but I somehow felt I deserved it, that I deserved to suffer. I did everything in power to protect Solomon and in the end nothing mattered, he was lost.

And today, with Alison and Adam running around - gosh, its just so different. Im their mother, they have no one else and hopefully never will. The sun rises and sets with them. I hope they never feel Im needy of them, even though I am.

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weight loss and gain during pregnancy | Ash Wednesday

weight loss and gain during pregnancy

Today is Ash Wednesday. Not a holiday for me. I meant to post yesterday on Mardi Gras. Thats not a holiday for me either.

What I note about both days is that in 2000, Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday were March 7 and 8. I delivered Solomon on March 8.

On Mardi Gras, I started the day fantasizing that the doctors were wrong, my dates were wrong and that all the wrongs would make one big right, and I wouldnt be losing my baby. On Ash Wednesday the biggest wrong, me, occurred.

Whenever I see a person with ashes on their forehead, two things come to mind. First is my friend Terry, who always left work at lunchtime, went to the closest Church and returned to the office ashened. The second is losing Solomon. The nurse attending to me had gone on this errand, and sure enough I delivered my baby without her. In the end, it doesnt really matter, she would not have been able to save my child. When she returned and learned I was done, she apologized and helped to clean me up. Those are my Ash Wednesday memories.

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