loose skin after pregnancy weight loss | Creating Space

loose skin after pregnancy weight loss

Its been over a week since weve returned from our trip and Im doing pretty well. Today my daughter, out of the blue, told me Im, "full of joy" and since little kids are very perceptive, Im taking her at her word. I have felt joy returning over the past week.

One of the things Ive done that has been most helpful in healing has been ridding our home of baby and maternity items. I started the process a while ago and have slowly been giving away what weve accumulated, but in the last week Ive finally gotten rid of the last of it and it feels so good. Ive been thinking about why its been so therapeutic for me and Ive come up with the following (myriad) reasons.

The very obvious, practical reason that this has been so great is that theres so much more space! The fervor to get rid of baby things has also sparked the desire just to get rid of all things and we finally have space in our small townhouse. There are no longer boxes and junk lying around. Our closets arent filled to the brim with things we may or may not ever use, but are instead organized with things we do use. I do so much better in uncluttered space and so fixing my physical surroundings has such a positive affect on me emotionally and psychologically.

Clearing our space and making our home more comfortable is something I can do as a wife and mother to benefit the lives of my family right now. Instead of saving things for children we might have and cluttering up our lives in the meantime, Im taking care of my family right now. And that is so, so good for me. If these losses have taught me anything, its that I must strive to do my best as a wife and mother in every moment, not just prepare for a future in which I will finally be at my best. As Ive mentioned previously, I need to feel useful right now and this is useful.

Giving away our useable items makes me feel useful to others as well. Most of Lucias clothes and many of her baby items have gone to my sister-in-law for my niece, but Ive also been able to bless women from church and random strangers with baby and maternity items they need. It feels so selfish to stockpile them when there are people who need and can use them right now. Giving them up helps me to focus on others and to have perspective. One of the lines I pray every day in the Litany of Humility is "That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grand me the grace to desire it." This one line never fails to be the one that stands out to me, that targets me especially. Right now, I have not been chosen to carry a child to term. I have been set aside, at least for a time, but I must still use this time to serve the Lord, which I can do by helping those who God has chosen.

Another spiritual fruit of the baby product purge is that it is teaching me to rely more fully on God to provide for my needs. I tend  to hold onto something if it might ever be used again. In that way, I learn to rely on myself to provide for my future. By getting rid of the baby things I not only rely on God to provide us with a living child, but I also rely on Him to provide us with what we would need to raise that child. Its much easier to pray "give us this day our daily bread" and really mean it if you dont have a cupboard full of food to last you days, weeks, or even months. I put much more trust in God when I no longer stockpile for myself and instead give the goods we have to others.

I also realize that when I give away our baby and maternity things, I am helping do Gods work in providing the "daily bread" for other families. When we pray to God to answer our prayers, its much more likely that Hell answer them through other people then by dropping a baby buggy straight from heaven, a miracle I have yet to hear of happening. It is good to prepare yourself financially and be economically frugal, but theres a point where that gets in the way of doing Gods work and starts to become working for yourself. I can no longer justify holding onto baby things for years when I dont need them and there are others that do. I trust that if and when we have another child, others will be generous to us as well, and that well have everything we need.

I started giving away our baby and maternity stock because it was too hard to be surrounded by constant reminders of our failed pregnancies and dissipating dreams. I was shocked to realize just how healing the process was for me. Most of all, it enabled me to imagine a life without more babies. Everyone deals with loss differently and for some it may be more beneficial to always have hope for more children and therefore to continue to hold onto the baby things; but for me, its helpful to be realistic and the truth is that I may or may not have more children. I imagine that statistics are in my favore and that we will most likely have more children through pregnancy or adoption. But I need to be able to acknowledge that theres also a chance that we may not have more children and the odds of that happening are higher for me than for the average woman. I need to build a life and imagine a future that is happy and hopeful and beautiful even if it doesnt include more children for us. So by letting go of this material reminders, we not only give ourselves more space in our home for the things that matter right now, I also give space in my head and my heart to imagine a blessed life as a family of three.

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weight loss last weeks of pregnancy | Its ok to enjoy the benefits of small families

weight loss last weeks of pregnancy

Ive noticed in Catholic circles that no one ever wants to acknowledge that there are advantages to small families (or disadvantages to large ones). I cant tell you how many Catholic articles or blog posts Ive read that have talked about the advantages of big families or siblings. I think these are beautiful, important, and very needed. But, on the other hand, there is not a single one Ive come across written from a Catholic perspective that talks about the advantages of small families or only children (or families that consist of husband and wife).

Perhaps this is because its assumed that our culture lauds small families and only children (or no children) so there doesnt have to be a Catholic voice for this. But from my experience, the secular articles and posts on the benefits of small families are anything but comforting to a Catholic mother. Inherent in those articles is the understanding that small families are superior, responsible, environmentally-friendly, etc. The overall tone seems to be anti-life and selfish; children are depicted  as commodities to be obtained and enjoyed - thus, having one or two makes them easier to fit into a life full of other, equally important pursuits (career, travel, intellectual advancement, physical perfection, hobbies, etc.) To be lauded for something that is anathema to my beliefs is like a knife to the heart. Im not "choosing" a small family in order to be a good citizen in the culture of death and self-absorption.

I think there is this fear that if we talk about the positives of small families (or the negatives of big ones) that well be promoting this mentality that elevates the small family for selfish reasons, and therefore will be steering Catholics away from being open to life or Gods plan for our families. Instead, it alienates Catholic parents with small families and puts pressure on large families to always seem perfect. Of course, there are advantages and disadvantages to both small and large families (and medium size, too) and denying that fact makes Catholics seem out of touch with reality.

Recently Ive noticed that at church or other Catholic events, its extremely rare for us to be told we have a "beautiful family". Extremely rare. And yet the large families all around us hear it several times each Sunday. Im not sure exactly why that is. I have a handsome husband and adorable daughter and more than that, I think we radiate the joyfulness of Christ and family life. But were a small family. We dont fit into the Catholic ideal.

I yearn for a large family. Not because its perfect or I idealize it, but because I love children and love being a mother and because I believe that the joy additional children bring to a family is always worth the added difficulties. In addition to joy, it seems that there are also some very practical benefits to having more children. But since I have a small family (and perhaps always will) I want to stop being afraid to talk openly about (or feel guilty about having) the practical benefits of a small family.

So Ill say it: Having one living child makes many things easier. I have more time to rest, more time with my husband, more time for hobbies, more one-on-one time with my daughter. We have more money and less material needs. We can get by with a smaller apartment, a smaller kitchen table, and smaller car. We can get out of the door faster and travel easier. And its ok if I enjoy these advantages.

Because Im sure that while they are struggling with all the difficulties of having a large family, the moms of many are enjoying the blessings of their extra children. There is no need for me to be a martyr by suffering the pain of secondary infertility/recurrent pregnancy loss AND feeling guilty/unable to enjoy the advantages that come with my small family.

My family is small but beautiful. We may not have many children but we have more time and resources to spend on the one beautiful blessing we do have. Im not ashamed of our small family and Im not guilty that I have many things "easier" than moms of many. They have the blessings of their many children and I have other blessings that, while I dont think are equal in value because what can even approach the value of a human life???, I can certainly appreciate and enjoy.

Other, even better blog posts on this topic:

The Only Guilt (Annery at Home)
The Double Edged Knife: Guilt and the Small Family (Molly Makes Do)
Benefits of Larger Child Spacing (One Catholic Mama)

And while youre at it, read the beautiful post Molly just wrote On Miscarriage and Mordor (you dont have to be a Tolkien fan to appreciate it, but it certainly helps).

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